I had more dates this weekend. There are some really great guys out there. I certainly have met a few this weekend. They're not all the best fit for me, but it's encouraging to know that other single, women will scoop them up one day and be pleased! But even as I write this, I can hear the voice in my head say, well if they were so great, why didn't you scoop them up? (Okay, maybe it's not my voice, but the voices of friends' that I've heard in the past).

It's a good question. If the guy is not a jerk, in fact the opposite, he's kind, decent, and even handsome, why would he not be a good fit for me? Does chemistry play an all TOO important role when establishing relationships? I love chemistry and will confess it has a power over me that I can't explain. It can make the most physically unattractive man seem like a prince. And it can put a George Clooney look-alike, on the scale of a Pee Wee Herman.

Before you send me your emails telling how chemistry doesn't last in marriage, let me tell you that I get it. I know that even if I have the best chemistry with a guy while we date, that chemistry can go right out the window when I'm married, so I have to marry for more than chemistry. Again, I get it. (But, seriously, if we can't have it in the marriage, the very least we should feel a little something-something at the beginning).

So what I don't get is where it comes from? Why do I just "click" with some guys and not others? If a guy is a really great guy is there some magical potion I can mix to make me feel some romantic spark? It really would make this whole dating process a lot easier and faster.

I'm curious to hear from any of you who felt no chemistry with your spouse before you got married. Are you out there? How about those of you who were able to conjure (for lack of a better term) chemistry while you were dating. What did you or your significant other do to make it happen? And for all of you who feel the same about chemistry as I do, how long do you keep on dating a guy, while you wait for it to appear?

What I love about a blog is that I don't have to know the answer. This is a journey and hopefully I'll learn more about myself, grow and evolve over this next year. I'm certainly open to listening more and hearing what you have to offer.

Hezekiah 12:6 The 11th Commandment
Thou shalt not kiss on the first date

I really believed that verse was in the Bible. I personally hadn’t read it, but I just assumed it was there. My Sunday School teacher recited it. She couldn’t be wrong… or could she? Well, these days singles talk more about whether to sleep with a guy on the first date. But for me, it was all about the kiss...

I am not a “kiss-on-the-first-date” kind of girl. Recently, I had a date with a guy. We really hit it off through email and then on the phone. I was excited to meet him. On the phone he had teased me about kissing me (because I told him my lips were my best physical quality, which they are. (Not that I don’t have some inner qualities like kindness and a great personality, but it asked for a physical quality, so I put down what I felt to be true). But I have digressed. Back to kissing.

Since I liked this guy and I thought he might try and kiss me on the first date, I wondered how I would respond. Should I resist or give in? If I gave in, would I break some “rule” would God be disappointed or upset? Well, I polled my friends and asked what I should do. I got many “don’t do it” responses, but was also received a few, “do what feels right.” This wasn’t a debate about sleeping with him, and I know for many of you reading this, you’re like “oh get over yourself and kiss the guy, already.”. So after thinking it over and polling my friends, I decided to pray on it. I must say, I really felt a little ridiculous asking God if I should kiss the man. But since God knows the number of the hairs on my head, I’m sure He wanted to hear from me on this. So, you want to know what God said… His official rule on whether a girl should kiss on the first date? Well, you’ll just have to go to him for yourself.

My response is not a cop out. I know for some of you, if I say that after wise counsel and prayer God told me that I should not kiss on the first date, you will make this your new rule. Likewise, if I tell you that I believe God gave me the thumbs up on the, it will give many of you an excuse to do what hasn’t really felt right for you. What I can say is that it is not a Golden rule, nor is it one of the 10 Commandments. There is no sin in either course of action. What’s more important is that I didn’t just let it happen or not happen because of some man rule that I blindly followed. Instead, I went to my Father, because he really does care about even the small things that concern me.

Two years ago when I first conceived this project, I was 20 pounds lighter. I always thought when the website finally launched I would have lost the weight. But here I am heavier and dating. I love the fact that I didn’t use it as an excuse to postpone what I wanted to accomplish. Mind you, excuses and procrastination have been good friends of mine in the past, and they still often visit. But I look back with regret when I see how low self-esteem or body image stood in my way. I can kick myself for the times I allow someone’s thoughtless or rude comment immobilize me. I am a desirable creature. We all are. As imperfect as I am, I have a lot to offer in a relationship and there are men who will see that and appreciate me. I will say that I have not resigned to my current state. I am trying to lose the weight because it’s the healthy thing to do, just as I am working on other areas of my life that needs improvement like not judging people, or finishing what I start, or taking time for myself. But if you are like me and are looking for love – whether you’re married or single (because I know that a lot of married people feel like their spouses no longer love them), stop beating yourself up and fall in love with you. After all, we “are fearfully and wonderfully made.” And when we recognized that about ourselves, I think we become irresistible.

I have a bit of a conundrum! I love how much I get to share this journey with people who come to the website. I also love the feedback everyone offers, your advice and insight. And with these dates, I want to be able to share what I'm experiencing; after all, this is a blog. But how do I share without telling too much? I don't mean the private details, but simply the idea of loving a date, or not finding chemistry with another person. If I have the best date ever, and I think the guy is amazing and hope he asks me out again, how can I share this with you, without scaring the guy away? I'm sure no guy wants to read about a girl blushing over him (especially if he's not that into me). And the opposite could also happen, he may be a nice guy, or not so nice - and I won't ever be critical of guys, that's not what the website is about, but I don't want to share how I didn't feel chemistry, when that's not something I shared with the guy yet. So I've made the public my matchmaker, but how do I share how I'm feeling, how things are going, without betraying the guys or giving them information they shouldn't necessarily know? Looking forward to hearing your comments!

This weekend I was suppose to go on several dates. They would have been my first since officially launcing the site. Bbut due to the weather, slightly swollen tonsils and a low-grade fever, I had to cancel. I hope this isn't a bad sign.

A very popular syndicated program is coming out to interview me tomorrow. They’ll also take me shopping and highlight me pick out a “date” outfit. See, a while back I decided to have a “first date wardrobe.” It consists of 4 outfits that I wear on first dates. These outfits evolve as fashion (and my size) evolves.

Now let me explain, first dates aren’t necessarily the very first date. By my calculations, guys notice how you look for the first 3 outfits and after that, they’ve decided whether you are consistently beautiful or you just got lucky the first time. That’s why 3 outfits are necessary (the 4th outfit is standby in case the third one is at the cleaners). Guys don’t actually pay attention to what blouse I’m wearing or the color of my sweater. No. Guys think about the overall package. And in creating my “wardrobe” I decide what I want that overall package to say. For example, I have one outfit that says, sophisticated with a subtle sexiness. Another first-date outfit says, chic and daring. I know these things because I have spent countless hours on my first-date-wardrobe. Not only does it consist of clothes, but makeup and hairstyles, as well.

When you open the door and he sees you - be it first, second or third date, there’s an instant thought going through his head. This thought is what I refer to as ones package. However, what I have come to realize is that every woman has two packages; an “open the door here I am package” and an “open my mouth here I am package.” I’ve got the door package down. But the mouth package will require much fine tuning. The things I say to him on these dates are as important as how he physically sees me. When I talk and bad mouthing my ex or monopolize the conversation with talk of all my wonderful attributes, I find I'm not so charming. Where I once thought my “slightly quirky, yet quick witted” open mouth package was a winner, I have learned that it’s equivalent to wearing a jogging suit on a first date. So, I am determined to work on the mouth package with as much diligence as I put towards the door package.

It is day 4 of my launch and this is my first post since then. My apologies for taking so long. It’s been a crazy 3 days – crazy is a good kind of way! I am a media consultant and I know what can happen when you put information out there – they type of responses one can expect. But never in my wildest imaginations (and my imaginations can be pretty wild), did I expect this type of encouragement and connection. I’ve read your emails, your blog comments and the discussion board (I really am trying to do something about those inappropriate postings from those small few who spoil it for us). Because of what you said, what you say, I feel enveloped by support.


I go through much of my life thinking I’m the only one who feels the way that I do or that my ideas are so off target. But then you came along—all 25,000 of you (but who’s counting). And it has all changed. I have been fortunate to put the topic of singleness and the pursuit of marriage in a very public arena. I take that charge very seriously. But I do want you to know that if I never marry, I will be fine. It is not the ultimate goal in life. My life is good and full and I am blessed. My goal is to love and be loved and that love comes in many forms.



Don’t worry, this is not a concession speech – not even close. I just want you to know that I am attaining balance and perspective on this journey. Until my desire to be loved by a husband goes away, I will continue along this path of love (as well as my path to love and be loved as a sister, aunt, friend, and member of humanity, etc). And I hope and pray that you don’t give up on love. If it is something that you desire, connect with me and other singles around you (even your married friends). And as you have done for me, look to those who will encourage and support your dream. And try to do something new and different, if what you’ve done in the past isn’t working. Always be mindful of safety – that’s where friend and family accountability come in handy. I know you’re weary, but you still have some hope left. I can tell by your emails. So revive that hope. Not just for yourself, but for me too. I really do need you. We need each other
(as sappy as that sounds :-).