I am above TV shows like The Bachelor that represent women as pathetic Barbie dolls desperate for attention and ready to pluck out each others eyeballs for a man who doesn't really want them. Okay, so that was my opinion having never watched the show. But a month ago while visiting my sister, she refused to turn to my choice in programming and forced an episode of the Bachelor on me. I was surprised with what I saw. It was down to maybe 5 women. When they were together (apart from the Bachelor), they were actually kind and supportive to one another. They were women who seemed normal and sane - women I could see myself being friends with. (Not that I'm not friends with abnormal and insane women. I travel in diverse circles). Anyway, what also surprised me was the Bachelor. It seemed genuinely kind and sincere. He was more articulate and insightful about women than most men that I know, married or single. He seemed as though he tried to be respectful to the women, even those rejected - well as respectful as a man can be when he totally makes out with one and five minutes later makes out with the other. I don't really get that part of the show. Yes. I'm digressing for a moment. It's just so bizarre that he is so physically involved with all these women - sometimes all within the same day. It seems like it would cloud your judgment when picking your one true love. And how strange it must be for the women who sit down for lunch together having swapped saliva with the same man the night before. Well, even with that disturbing element, I found the show fascinating.

I understand why it does so well with the ratings. It's a real romance novel brought to the small screen. Scripting doesn't get better than that. Although I didn't continue to watch too many of the other episodes (I had friends give me the highlights), I found myself thinking about it a great deal. He was one guy who actually had many choices of women he could realistically see himself with. Based on the ending of the show, that was obviously his biggest problem, but just the fact that he had so many choices is amazing. Most of us have the hardest time finding one person that we connect with. The show produced the desired results for 2 people involved. But is there something that we can learn from the show that can be applied to our own dating lives? Was it the luxury of this man and these women taking the time off from their lives to focus on love? Was it a heightened sense of excitement having TV cameras follow them? Was it the extraordinary activities planned for their dates that helped to make a difference? In this age of technology, I have access to thousands of men who fall within my basic criteria. But in these 10 weeks I haven't found him. As the dating slows down, and having gone on few second dates, and no third dates, it has me wondering if additional outside intervention will actually be more helpful than simply intrusive!

But The Bachelor & Bachelorette series has tried to play matchmaker for 17 individuals. Out of that number only 1 connection produced a marriage. Not very good odds. Maybe the lesson is that you can’t hurry love, even with the hyped up excitement and lavish dates. Obviously the goal of the show is good ratings, not to help people find lasting love. But can you have an entertaining show and produce a happy healthy marriage? How interesting would it be to have someone who goes through the process and has help along the way on how to pursue a relationship that ends in marriage? I always thought it would be great to see a reality show with engaged couples that was less like Temptation Island and focused more on what engaged couples will experience in a real marriage. What about 13 weeks where they are forced to share an income, take care of 3 kids, manage a hectic schedule and work to get each other’s attention. And during this time they don’t get to have sex. With that I’d throw in a mandatory weekly counseling session, so they are learning how to manage their issues. Which ever couple survives that and still wants to marry gets the wedding of their dream. I guess it would be similar to the Baby Borrowers on NBC, but with more mature couples. As much as I enjoyed being a voyeur into the life of “The Bachelor” I wished it offered more of ‘what to do’ than ‘what NOT to do’ for me and other singles out there looking for love. Maybe that’s more PBS than the show wanted to be.