March 22 - Single, Christian Men and Their Cojones!
I’ve talked with many people of faith (Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu (and others) who rely on God to meet their needs. And for those who are single, I found that many of us have this in common – we hit a certain age and when we still haven’t found “the one” we begin to wonder, “What’s up, God?”
We become frustrated and may even experience the stages of grief. As a Christian, the number of times I wanted to smack people who said to me “trust God” is too numerous to count. I also begin to wonder why God isn’t doing more to help me in my search (not that I’ve read a summary of all that He’s done. I’m sure that would be too numerous to count). But the frustration is sometimes there.
No one articulates it better or is funnier than my friend Susan Isaccs in her new book Angry Conversations with God. It’s her memoir of her rocky relationship with God. Single, jobless and hitting a spiritual rock bottom, she takes her heavenly husband, God, to couples counseling. She wants answers and we as the reader get to hide behind her as she confronts God on a number of things – including her singleness.
Through her journey, she realizes she made God into her image – as well as the image that her well-meaning Christian teachers and friends made him out to be. And through counseling, Susan finally begins to really listening to who he says he is (good relationship rule number 1). Question: How much does our personal faith play a role in why we are or aren't married?
Susan has always been one of my favorite writers, and this book affirms that. I encourage you to grab a copy no matter what phase your relationship with God is in.
When both Susan and I lived in NYC (during her slide to rock bottom), we had many conversations about career, love and Christian men. Now that Susan is happily married, I couldn’t wait to hear her new-found thoughts on the topic. We recently had a Skype chat where we talked about everything from sad sex, to neutered men, to riding trains. I couldn’t present it all, but here’s a clip from that conversation.
How much does our personal faith play a role in why we are or aren't married?
8 comments
"If Christian men are going to change from a pitiful, wimpy bunch of "really nice guys" to men who are made in the image of God, they must reexamine their preconceptions about who God is and recover their true "wild" hearts," writes bestselling author John Eldredge in Wild at Heart.
I'm a friend of Susan's, and just discovered your blog/project. I think it's great! I'm only 26 (and single) but can relate to a lot of what you've shared with us about your purposes and goals and your experiences thus far. I sincerely hope your project is successful, will be following the updates! Meredith.
And this is what christian ladies are finding repulsive? I am so confused if I may be honest.
What I believe is that christian women are making the same error christian men make. We want our partner to be like Jesus--but please not too much like Jesus. Heaven forbid a man turn the other cheek. Nay be it a man forgive anothers debt or pray for those that use him. His woman better not hear anything like that. Why this person must be wimpy or something to do these things. We as christians are allowing our flesh to dictate the people we choose and we refuse to see it. Then when things fall apart down the road we want to point our finger at God. I know cuz I have done it myself. I can only speak for myself but if I am not prayerful I will catch a glimpse of a bikini clad babe and choose her over a Proverbs 31 prayerful woman if I am not careful and let my flesh make all of my choices.
What I find attractive, and I believe many people feel the same way - male and female, is the idea of multi-dimensional - not one dimensional, but layers.
A Jesus-type partner is a great. The way I see Jesus is that he is nice, as well as passionate, extremely clever, I even think witty and I dare say rugged also describe him. Many layers, one man.
I do feel unfortunately, that the church unintentionally watered many of us down (not all churches and not all people). But we are water-down versions of ourselves because the church doesn't do complexed well. It's easier, less messy, for the church to teach the men to be nice, but not highlight other wonderful attributes like rugged or clever (and a host of other attributes).
I went shopping with friends a while back and bought some really sexy shoes - 3 inch heels. They are awesome. Years ago, I probably wouldn't have used that term because I would be so afraid of being judged by Christians. She used "sexy" which means she must be loose. But they are not "pretty" shoes, they are "sexy" and I love the way they shape my legs. It doesn't mean I want men to look at me and want to have sex with me. Not having to put everything in a simple, comfortable box is wonderful.
It goes both ways. Christian women, especially those who are married, have been referred to as uptight. They get married and aren't comfortable with their sexuality. It's why so many churches are starting women groups where they finally get to talk about sex. Does it mean that singles need to have more sex in order to be more sexual creatures? No. It just means there is more to being a good wife then taking care of the kids and loving God, and saying "yes" to sex only when he asks for it. A good, nice wife can and should be more.
Finally, I think that even Christian men may not find a woman described only as "nice" as the most attractive of the bunch. It's certainly not a negative quality, but a little something more goes a long way.
"So tell me about her."
"She's really nice."
"Oh. That's great. But what else? Does she have a sense of humor?"
"No. But she's nice"
"Well, is she passionate?"
"No. But she is really nice."
"How about fiesty?"
"Nope. I wouldn't describe her that way. She is nice, though."
"Is she easy to talk to? How about playful? Or maybe soft, or compassionate?"
"No. No. No. But she is a nice girl. I'm sure you'll love her."
Have a great weekend nice, but also intelligent, multi-dimensional and spiritual lady.
jm
there are many other reasons to be against contraception besides spiritual, including environmental (i'm an environmental engineer) and societal.
I think it would be interesting if you interviewed couples practicing NFP and learned more about their relationships on this blog. Some stats i've seen says only 2-3% divorce rates among those couples.