The other night, I got one of those urges to call my ex – late nights were when we usually talked. I’ve only talked with him twice since this whole 52 Weeks project started (once I phoned and the other time he phoned me). But calling him is never a good idea. So while in bed, trying to fight the temptation, I came up with a list:

10 Things to Do at Night to Resist Calling Your Ex.

1. Throw your phone in the toilet

2. Tell your friend, you know, the one who hated your ex, that you are thinking of calling him (and brace yourself for an ear full).

3. Re-read his old breakup email to you (it wasn’t a Post-it, but it was still a coward’s way out).

4. Watch the movie Closer with Julia Roberts and Clive Owens.

5. Log on to one of the dating websites that offer instant chat, find a cutie who is online and chat it up.

6. Blast Kelly Clarkson’s song “Since U Been Gone” and sing along while jumping up and down on your bed.

7. Decide on something you really, really want and reward yourself with points that add up to the item each time you don’t call (i.e., earn 5 points and you get a massage, which translates to 5 days of resisted urges).

8. Pray and tell God all the reasons why you want to call him, and then all the reasons why you shouldn’t call him. Ask God for strength and thank him for striking your ex with one of Moses plagues.

9. Eat a pint of New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream – that, or hop on your treadmill for a half hour – Both really will make you feel better (although you probably should consider the long term impact on your hips before you choose).

10. Repeat steps 1 – 9 as necessary.

I was recently changing one of my profiles for the billionth time. It reminded me of what I think was my most successful profile. It stemmed from a photo that I took with a puppy. Notice I said a puppy and not a dog, which I think was an added bonus. It wasn’t even my pet. I happened to be visiting a friend out of town, who was petsitting. Anyway, I think men don’t always know what to say when they email a woman, so seeing the puppy gave them something to write about. I got a gazillion emails with only 5 words? “Cute dog. Is it yours?” That was fine when it came from a guy I thought was gorgeous, but it was strangely annoying when coming from unattractive suitors.

With all the puppy attention during that period, I updated my profile description. I wrote it from the puppy’s perspective. It was a huge hit (see profile below).

Well since I had an amazing new description, I needed a new photo. The original one made the puppy look weeks younger, but it wasn’t the best shot of me. And since I was the one paying for the membership things were about to change.

But being puppyless, how was I going to get the photo that I needed? Well, I grabbed a friend of mine who is an amateur photographer and we headed to the mall in search of a pooch (this was before the whole puppy mill story broke (sorry, Oprah). Well, I scored big time at the pet store. They had a dozen different breeds I could choose from. Of course when you are about to take a picture to attract your future husband, you choose a really cute puppy. I’m sure bulldogs are great pets, but I wasn’t about to put my face next to those imposing jowls. And Chihuahuas may work for legal blonds and tacos, but they’re not the favorites of most men I know. I was looking for a man-magnet.

The sales girl escorted me and my friend, and the two puppies to the playroom. I can’t imagine any place wanting to make you buy a dog any less than that tiny room, which smelled of urine and pet dander. Once the sales girl left, I had only 5 minutes with the dogs, so I held my breath, ripped off my coat, and the photo session began. My friend actually got some good shots and even the puppies were pros (at 6 and 8 hundred dollars a pop, they should have been). After it was over, they were put back in their cages whimpering and pawing; begging me to buy them. I did feel a little guilty for I how used and then dismissed them, but there are many casualties when looking for love.

When I returned home, I tried to select the one where I had the best pose. It was a great shot of me, the puppy, and his little wiener front and center! You couldn’t miss it, and it was definitely upstaging me. I swear it was puppy revenge. Thank God I’m pretty handy with Photoshop, but I never imagined I would use it to airbrush a dog’s penis.

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My friends describe me as cute, adorable and cuddly...and I have no idea who that woman is who's holding me. She seems friendly enough, but if you are looking for someone who will pant excitedly, and lick your face when you come home from work, well then I'm your dog.

The woman in the picture probably has never licked anyone's face. She did mention that she is very outdoorsy, except for when she sees snakes. She grew up on a pig and chicken farm, loves trying new things. I think you should also know that she can't cook to save her life, but she can pick really great restaurants, and does an awesome job with opening cans of Purina. She definitely has exquisite taste, which is quite obvious since she is holding me.

Who would she like to date? Considering she's letting a dog answer for her, I would say she's looking for someone with a sense of humor - also someone who is laid back, enjoys the great outdoors, is passionate with compassion, loves ice cream, kids, movies, and late night trips to Lowes!

I was reading an interview with Janice Lieberman on her new book How to Shop for a Husband. Janice is a reporter on NBC’s Today Show. She mentions the scientific study that says, “men who believe they married a woman who is a little better looking than they are stay married longer. So forget my previous blog about going for the guy out of your league. I’ll stick to men who are really unattractive. And while I’m at it, I’ll also be checking out his vasopressin receptor. Sounds sexy, doesn’t it? According to another study this is the “bonding gene” and will let me know if my man, who I have yet to find, will remain faithful.

Someone is really tried to take the fun out of this search!

I had a date Sunday afternoon. It was a quick meeting for coffee at my local diner. It’s kind of nice to meet locally instead of running into Manhattan or doing the webdate thing.

I met this guy online. I’ll call him Sawyer. I decided to give all the guys that I refer to character names from Lost to protect their identity. I was supposed to have two dates this weekend, but one got postponed… something about a dying uncle blah, blah, blah. Just kidding. I was completely gracious and understanding when Hurley, date #1, had to cancel. Time will tell if he was blowing me off or had a serious emergency. I’m pretty sure it was the later.

Back to Sawyer. He and I spoke briefly on the phone to arrange the date. When we met at the restaurant, he was quiet and shy - my two least favorite qualities in a man. Don’t get me wrong, quiet and shy men make for wonderful dates for many women, but for me, those dates are too much effort. I always feel like I’m at work. Considering I spend a lot of my time at my job talking with people and helping them share their stories and feel comfortable, the only thing missing from my Sunday date was clocking in.

Actually Sawyer is quite the catch. He’s a medical technician, seems to be a great father, never married, stable environment and involved in his community. He will make for a great boyfriend or husband for some lucky woman. In these 18 weeks I’ve learned to be more comfortable with understanding what types of men work well for me and those who may be a fit for someone else. So I wish Sawyer well.

I emailed him this morning and told him so. And because I met him on an outside dating website, he knows nothing about my 52 Weeks project, so I can blog away and not feel like he’s going to read this… not that I’m saying anything bad about him.

I’ve also learned along the way that I have to tread carefully with the men that I meet directly from my 52 Weeks website. I’ve been in contact with some great guys. Things were progressing nicely and then I stop hearing from some. I know it has to do with the fact that the website is where I share very publicly about my dates (without revealing their identity), but these same guys are reading about my other dates or potential dates and it makes them uncomfortable. I’ve even had guys asking me how my other dates have gone – now that’s seriously awkward. So if you notice I’m being a little tight-lipped when describing a date, I’m trying to figure out how to navigate this whole kissing and not telling thing.

On one hand, I love this whole 52 Week project and have met more men in these last few months than I have in years. But on the other hand, I don’t want “my project” to ruin some potential relationships. So I hope you are patient with me as I tread carefully.

Well today I am off to a barbecue. There’s supposed to be over a hundred singles. So I’m not only looking forward to grilled hamburgers, but also meeting a potential “him” or two along the way.

But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:19

I have a date with this guy who I have been emailing back and forth for a number of days and we’ve talked on the phone once. His emails are different from my numerous other online relationships. He’s funny, sincere and communicates well. He’s not afraid to show his fears or celebrate his passions. On paper, or I should say, on computer screen, he seems so perfect for me. And so this weekend we meet for the first time in person. I have thought about this man over and over for the last 2 weeks. I have imagined what it will be like when we meet, how we’ll laugh, how he’ll touch my soul. But the truth of the matter is I don’t know this man. I have a glimpse of who he is from his writings and our brief phone chat, but I’ve never looked into his eyes, have never studied his body language; how he reacts to conversations and situations. But yet I have imagined him. What I have really done is projected who I hope he is onto him. I’ve created a character. But I realize that characters are just that – creations. I have set this man up for failure if he is not all those things I imagined him to be. So, I reign in my wandering mind. And instead, when we meet, I hope as Mary did, I will see him for who he is and ponder those things in my heart. I will let him create his own character. And through it all I will have a quiet conversation with my God and say, here is this man, Lord. What am I to think? Here is my heart, Lord, and what it says. What should I make of it all? And I pray, as He did with Mary, God will reveal things to me, and He will calm my heart. And so, whatever the outcome, I will see things as they are and my impression of this man will be based upon truth and not tainted with fanciful projections.

Well, no new superpowers emerged last night. I was indeed Invisible Girl, but I am partially to blame. I was a bit of a wallflower. Sometimes I anticipate disappointment and when a hint of it appears I allow it to take over. I searched Marvel Comics and I can't find Wallflower Girl. I can't imagine why, because her ability to destroy fun is pretty powerful. Have you ever felt like giving up, even when you weren't necessarily failing?

I have a group of friends who live in Pennsylvania (I lived there for a year and a half before moving to NJ). It's a rather large group actually. My core group of friends consist of about 20 people, but the larger group is over 100. It's a mixture of men and women (about an equal number) and they are all around my age and most are single. When I'm around the larger group, I call myself the Invisible Girl. But unlike the superhero, I can not render myself uninvisible at will (maybe because I don't have her curves).

Tonight there's going to be a party. It's a barn dance, actually. I don't think there will be square dancing or anything, just top 40s music and regular dancing. It's a fundraiser for the local National Guard.

You would think I'd be excited to be around so many single men, but as invisible girl, getting my hopes up around this group is pointless. Although I've gone on more than 20 gatherings with the larger group, I have never once been asked out by any of the men, not even flirted with. While other people are hooking up all around me, I'm telling some guy, who has already been introduced to me on numerous occasions, my name for the 3rd or 4th time, while he looks above my head for a girl he will actually make eye contact with.

Well, I haven't seen my group of friends since I started my 52 week project. I wonder if this gathering will be different. Obviously they won't be different, but maybe I will be. Maybe these 18 weeks have given me a vibe that makes more men attracted to me. After all, I've dated more men this year than I did in the last several years combined. I even have 2 dates scheduled for next week, which ends my 5 week dry spell - thank God.

So tonight we shall see if Invisible Girl has acquired new powers. If I could pick one, what would it be? Well tonight, it would definitely be Magnet Girl. What superpower would you select?

I am not a big fan of Mother’s Day. It bugs me. As a general lover of all holidays and celebrations, this day is my exception. It hasn’t always been that way. I use to rejoice along with the rest. I remember making it a big deal for my sister, sending gifts to my friends who were single mothers, and even volunteering with children by helping them make presents for their moms.

But for the last 3 years I’ve tried very hard to ignore the day. This year, I almost managed to completely forget about it. But then Sunday morning I turned on the TV and there it was – splattered on ever channel no matter how quickly I surfed. It was going to be the beginning of a long day.

Next, I went to my favorite Sunday morning restaurant. A perky waitress wished me a Happy Mother’s Day and then proceeded to tell me that I couldn’t order my regular breakfast special because after all, she said, “It is a holiday” and they don’t run specials on holidays. Bah! Humbum, I muttered to myself, checking off another reason why the day annoys me.

Later, I went to church. Yes, of course, I expect a lot of fanfare for the mothers on this Sunday. But when the pastor decided to call ALL of them to the front of the church for prayer, it left me sitting in my pew with husbands and teens on my left and right, in front and behind. I stood out like a sore thumb. It was the only time (and I do mean only time) when being surrounded by men was annoying. Woe is me!

Even my Sunday afternoon grocery ritual meant dodging anxious shoppers carrying bouquets of flowers, leaving a mess of rose petals scattered throughout the store.

I had enough and needed sanctuary and solitude and went to the only place I knew I could find it on this dreadful day… Home Depot! Sandwiched between nails and caulking, I retreated from the outside festivities and suddenly realized what being a Jew on Christmas feels like.

Once home, having learned from my earlier mistake, only watched shows recorded on my DVR. But an hour or so into my couch potato mode, I felt a need for connection. So I logged onto my Facebook account. Bad move. Every single posting had to do with Mother’s Day. Cheery and sappy updates with endearing activities and well wishes just darkened my mood even more.

And then I received an email. It was from a woman who stated the words that my own heart wouldn’t utter. “I no longer have a mother and I long to be a mother, and this day makes me painfully aware of both like no other day.”

What a kill joy! Geesh! Here I was delighting in my pain and pity. Being blissfully in denial, proudly rebellious, and adorably miserable, I was in a gratifying place that I didn’t want to leave. Why, oh why couldn’t I be left alone?

But the started and I couldn’t turn back. It was my reminder what these 52 weeks are really about: Pursuing my personal desires while enjoying the journey; resisting the frustrating, discouraging and even the hopeless, and finding my way out; being encouraged and encouraging others. You know, all those things that make you want to gag if hearing them during your pity party.

The sobering email jolted me back to reality. While my life is not everything I want it to be right now, I can take action to bring about the dreams that I have. I’ve spent the last 18 weeks doing just that. I do believe that acknowledging my pain is important, but relishing in my hurt doesn’t bring me any closer to what I want. So maybe celebrating Mother’s Day isn’t such a bad thing after all.

About a month ago, I was emailing back and forth with a guy I met online. He was a rare gem, as far as email relationships go. I’ve learned that for most men, writing a message is not their strong suit, so I try to look past the 1 or 2 awkward sentences that I usually receive. This has paid off on numerous occasions because many guys are much better on the phone or in person. But this man, I’ll call him Hurley, his emails were interesting, witty, and thoughtful. Hurley and I emailed back and forth for 10 days straight. On some days, I heard from him twice. The first couple of days, I was in witty banter heaven. He had a great sense of humor and it even matched my own. The emails progressed to more reflective words where we shared about our childhoods, hopes for the future, and even ordinary daily activities that were interesting to us.

Into day 5, I was sure at the end of his email I would read something like, “so do you want to talk on the phone?” or “would you like to meet?” But it was more like, “looking forward to hearing from you.” I’m thinking, if you want to hear from me than ask for my number already. But, instead, it was more emails, which I enjoyed, so I thought I’d just give things more time. I know what you’re thinking. You don’t have to say it. But, if you’ve been following my website, you know that I’m not prone to making the first move.

Well 10 days into the intense email back and forth, Hurley cut me off cold turkey. Just like that. Usually the signs are the emails get shorter, or he asks less questions about you, etc. But not Hurley. I simply never heard from him again.

I was confused, disappointed, in denial, angry and all the other steps that go with the grieving process. Of course my mind went wild with different scenarios of what could have happened. I went from maybe he was in a car accident to he must have been married and his wife found out. So much emotion for a guy I was in an email relationship with for 10 days.

My personal takeaway is that unless a man lives half way around the world, spending days and days emailing back and forth without taking it to the next step means an investment that won’t most likely pay off. So I decided to try a new approach. No more waiting for guys to make the first move. If we’ve emailed back and for at least 3 rounds, then I will ask if he wants to meet (unless he asks me first or unless I decide we’re not a good fit). When I make the offer, I’ll keep it casual and simple – a quick cup of coffee at the local Starbucks… something like that. If he makes excuses then I’ll know it’s time to move on. So what do you think? Does that sound reasonable or should I give my email relationships more time?

Have you seen the tabloids where they show the stars without makeup? I do feel a little bit bad for them (just a little), because they are often most worshipped for their beauty and you take that away and expose them for how they really look (well it's really exposing them at their worse), and it's got to be embarrassing.

Well I was out the other day and "got noticed." It has only happened to me 2 other times, thank God. Both times I was wearing full makeup and my hair was in a nice style. This time, I was probably half way there. By the expression on the guy’s face who recognized me, I'm sure he was thinking, “you look so much better on TV.” He saw me on Fox News months ago and had checked out my website back then. But here we were waiting for the train. I got the standard "how's it going" and "good luck" and we parted ways (but not before noticing he was wearing a wedding band). I let out a sigh of relief. I didn’t just blow it with my future husband.

This week my challenge is to try and meet men simply by living my ordinary life…, you know going to Starbucks, grocery store, gym, etc What I realize is that it takes a lot more time in the mirror than I allow in my “ordinary life.” I don’t consider myself lazy by any means, but my goodness, foundation, curling irons, wardrobe preparation takes so long. When I lived in Manhattan, I remember admiring a woman who lived in my building who was always dressed to perfection with faultless hair and makeup each day. I’d see her in the lobby and wonder how she did it. She was an accountant for pete’s sake, not some news reporter or on-camera talent. But she took the time to look great every morning. (Although I did see her early one Saturday morning on the way to the gym wearing sweats, no makeup and her hair tied in a scarf. Ouch, it wasn’t pretty, and it made me feel a little better about myself). But I also have a friend who is a jean and t-shirt kind of girl. She may apply a little lipstick and mascara, but that’s about it (no blemishes to cover, nor the need to squeeze into control tight pantyhose). All natural, she looks great each day too.

But for those of us who definitely need a little help, do you think we really should go that extra mile every-single-day just on the off chance that we may run into someone who will only find us attractive if we were fully made up? Or can we give ourselves a break (maybe avoid the mom jeans and head scarf), and simply look presentable, but save our beauty transformations for special functions and outings at night and on the weekends? I’m really not sure. What do you think?

We’ve all seen those seemingly mismatched couples where one person was considerably more attractive than their partner. And we’ve all wondered, “How did that happen?”

A good friend of mine, I’ll call her Patty, married her college sweetheart. Tim was a handsome star on the football team. He was charming, yet humble. Patty was tremendously sweet, witty, smart, articulate and charismatic. Patty was also obese. They met through Patty’s father who was the beloved football coach. And Tim fell madly in love with the coach’s daughter. Although their marriage was far from perfect, it was filled with love and commitment. Patty went on to become a successful and admired executive with a major media company and Mike had an equally successful career in sales. However, Patty’s weight continued to increase and she suffered a stroke. In fact, she suffered 3 strokes in 9 years. The final one, which took her life, was while she was a resident at a weight loss facility. Although Patty was primarily an upbeat person, for those 8 years that I knew her, she would at times tell me the reactions that she would receive when being introduced to Tim’s colleagues and clients. She learned to expect them, those literal jaw dropping moments, when the men and the women (some who had a crush on Tim who was still a charming and handsome man), tried to comprehend how Tim and Patty could be together. It obviously had a negative impact on her self-esteem – this upbeat, successful, amazing woman.

As I go through the profiles, some which have been submitted to me and others that I’ve searched for on other dating sites, I will admit I have my Patty moments. It’s obviously not about obesity for me but there are other thoughts about myself that hold me back. There are guys, who after reading their profiles, I’m convinced they are my soulmates. But I won’t make an initial contact because I believe they are out of my league. And for those highly attractive men who submit their profiles to me, I question whether they’ll be interested after the media attention is over. I’ve talked with more than a few of them who were enamored with me, just from the small coverage I’ve received. (I never considered how annoying that would be, until I had to listen to them go on and on about it).

So the question of “who is out of my league?” is something we don’t really ask aloud. But is it something you think about and act on? And as I said before, it’s not always about weight or looks. It could be the beautiful ex-ballerina who never went to college and was told that although she’s attractive, she doesn’t have the substance to keep a man. Or it’s the woman who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. She avoids men who are rich and successful. Or it is the 30-something woman I was introduced to this weekend, who has never been asked out on a date. She is crippled and has been in and out of hospitals her entire life, and doubts a man will ever want to marry her.

I believe that we will all face dating rejection (I’ve certainly had my share). But I also believe that now’s not the time to shrink back, especially when a guy has made the first move (and heck, even when he hasn’t). 2009 is my year to go for it and I invite you to join me. We’ll tape up the mouths of those voices in our head that tell us we’re not good enough for him and make our move.

So the next time we browse the online dating profiles and we come across a guy who looks like Brad Pitt, and has written the most witty, interesting, revealing profile, what do we do next? Say it with me, ladies! “We go for it!”

A friend of mine announced this week that she is going to adopt. I remember the seminar on adoption this friend and I both attended 3 years ago. She, like me, is in her 40s and has never married. And when she was younger, she, like me, thought she would marry and then have babies. But here we are! I couldn’t be happier for her. The idea of bringing an orphan into your home and vowing to care for this stranger and making them your family until your dying day is heroic. I always thought I would adopt, regardless of whether or not I could have kids biologically. I’ve been passionate about adoption, spending time volunteering with adoption agencies and groups, doing research, and media consulting on adoption.

Over the last decade, I’ve even thought about adopting as a single parent. There is a growing population of women who fall within a term called ‘single mothers by choice.’ According to an article in the New York Times, the birthrate for unmarried college-educated women has climbed 145 percent since 1980. Many of these women pursued starting a family of their own without a partner.

As much as I love the idea of adoption, I’ve come to realize that being a single-parent by choice is not the best option for me. But like my friend, I am still pursuing my dream of having a family. That family dynamic may be just me and my husband without a child.

But for all of you single mothers or single mothers-to-be of orphaned children, I am cheering you on, and wish you all the joys and blessings of motherhood!