There is a recent article, ‘What Single Women Can Learn From Michelle’ by Jenée Desmond-Harris, that appears on The Root and The Huffington Post websites. It focused on Michelle Obama and her ability to pick a husband. But the article primarily highlights all the ‘still single’ women and our inability to get it right. As much as I’m trying to spend this year learning how find a husband and have a healthy marriage, I cringe every time someone makes the leap to say that simply because someone is married (even when you marry a great guy), it must mean they received an A+ in Relationship 101.

Not every woman who is single is so because of all that she's done wrong. If making all the right relationship decisions were a prerequisite for marriage, there would be no couples before us. I think every adult has had those moments where we wondered if we've let a good one pass us by, but because the statistics of African American singles are so staggering, I think it has less to do with our list of standards and more to do with a host of issues and concerns that plague our history. African American women, and singles in general, often find themselves in a no-win situation where our critics are concerned. We're told our standards are too high (according to this article) and also criticized for not having high enough standards (according to popular authors like Steve Harvey). Perhaps if the focus was less on pointing fingers and more on encouraging examples and uplifting commentary, we'd fare better. I know I don't have it all figured out. As a 40-something, never married, African American, I do desire to be in a committed relationship, but I won't shoulder all the blame for not obtaining my goal. We live in a messed up world and even when you do make all the right decisions, things can still turn out wrong. Considering half of all marriages end in divorce, I'd say we're not the only ones with a lot to learn.