It's been a great journey! Thanks for going along for the ride. Although there's no "him," I know love will find a way! Enjoy the video.

"Have you ever met someone who spent their entire life working toward something that never happened? Maybe it was something admirable like civil rights or maybe it was an unseemly goal like revenge. At the end of their life they were pitied for wasting so much of their time - and all for nothing.

But do the good (or bad) deeds that are done really die with that person? For the guy who was trying to make a positive change, what if he actually made things a bit easier for the person that came after him? What if that poor soul's story encouraged others? What if his efforts were all a part of a plan after all and we didn't see the results because the story didn't end with him?

Perhaps there are times when you don't make peace with your circumstances - when you continue to try until the desire or calling leaves you, or you expire. Maybe the efforts are a part of a legacy or a bigger plan. My thoughts go to some of the advances we all benefit from like starting a family through IVF, or through adoption or new marriage laws. Someone worked tirelessly on these efforts - even the unsung heroes who never actually saw the advances. Heck, maybe even online dating and speed dating started because people really felt like they were not supposed to be at peace with how things were. Maybe their peace came from knowing they tried until the very end.

I know it sounds a little crazy, but I'd love to think that down the line my efforts have helped or will help someone else find their "him".

"Why do you work so hard to find love?" I've had people ask me this over and over again. One particular email arrived after coming home from another singles' event where I seemed invisible to the men who attended. On this night, I began to wonder the same thing myself.

I was one of those students in high school who never really had to work hard to get good grades. I actually don't remember taking books and work home. I had one study period and that apparently was enough for me to get "A"s and "B"s in school. One of my best friends at the time wasn’t so fortunate. She studied and studied and barely got by with "C"s and was thrilled when a "B" came her way. On days I wanted to go to the mall or hang out at a friends', I would urge her to come, but she often replied that she had to study. It seemed silly to me to put so much effort into school after hours when she already spent most of her day in the classroom. What a waste of time, especially when the end result was a C average.

But now I realize that just because things were easy for me I shouldn't have looked down on her because she had to work hard for the same things. I can't explain why I was so fortunate. Nor do I understand why hours and hours of studying for World History got her a C+, when 20 minutes before the test produced an A- for me. My friend may have been disappointed with her grade, but I think she was proud of her effort. I guess some people view hard work as desperation or painful, but actually it can feel good, give you a sense of purpose and build character. It challenges you to go beyond what you're currently able to do.

I have over a decade of experience of doing nothing to find a husband. From the time I was 22 years old through the age of 36, I didn't spend any effort on finding love. I lived a very full life. I had lots of friends, was social and active in my community, and even volunteered on a regular basis. I had a great job, yet didn't spend any more or less hours at work than any of the other people my age in NYC. But in those 14 years, I had only 2 dates. I'm just as happy and fulfilled with my life now as I was then. And my desire for marriage at that time was no less than or greater than my desire now. But this version of me feels good.

What has changed is my desire to see faith in action. There is a wise saying that goes, "faith without works is dead." There's something so awesome to know that God takes action when I make an effort. When I volunteer to bring in can goods for the hungry, God takes my effort and feeds others. When I respond to online suitors, I'm believing God will also use these efforts. I know I can't force God's hand. I also know that no matter how hard I work at some things, I may never see the desired end result. But I do know that faith works together with my works. Why do I work hard? Because I have faith! I'm doing what I believe to be my part and believing for the rest!

I was re-reading yesterday's blog (because writing it wasn't painful enough). Anyway, I was thinking about the guys I've dated. I lost track a while ago, but there has been more than 30. If they were all bloggers, I shutter to think about the things they'd write about me.

How many guys left our date thinking it was—how did I describe it yesterday—awesome!? I can still see their smiles, see them saying goodbye, I can hear them telling me how much fun they had and then I would agree. It was too awkward not to. I can hear them asking me if I'd like to see them again. I always hated that moment because I knew I would lie. I didn't want to have to tell them to their face that, "no. I'd rather not see you again." So, yes, I would lie. I did feel some comfort that at least I went home and emailed them the truth. It was a coward's way out, but I justified that it was better than ignoring their phone calls and emails.

In case you haven't figured this out, I didn't do everything perfect over these last 52 weeks. I made some mistakes and didn't always follow the Golden Rule. I turned down guys that I probably should have given more of a chance and accepted dates from guys I should have declined. After a lousy day at work, it's amazing how many men got the "no thanks" email. After a lonely night, it's incredible how many men I responded to online. They say, timing is everything!

So here I am 30 dates later - a little wiser (hopefully), and more considerate. Still no "him" but trying to make the most of it all.

I went on a date several weeks ago. It was pretty awesome. I've had over 30 of them, and I rarely use that word to describe a date. He was sweet, funny and romantic. I remember thinking, I could fall in love with this guy. We talked about everything under the sun. Nothing too threatening for the first date, but he was so easy to talk to. After a long string of bad dates, I was hopeful again. Since we met at a restaurant, we said our goodbyes at my car. It was a Tuesday night and we talked about getting together again that weekend. I smiled all the way home and relived every moment we spent together.

When I got home, I didn't rush to the phone to call my girlfriends, nor did I post in on Facebook. I didn't want someone's insensitive comment to ruin the moment. Instead, I simply thanked God. I remember saying, I don’t know where this will lead, but I thank you for the time we had tonight. I was so grateful. My mind raced ahead to January 1st and how I'd be able to share with the world how God came through during the final month. Hallelujah! (yes, my imagination runs wild).

After some time in prayer, I sent my date a short, but sweet email thanking him for the evening and telling him I was looking forward to seeing him again. That morning I woke up with a smile on my face. Although work was anything but rosy, the memory of the date lingered. I knew he would call that night and I looked forward to the evening. But he didn’t call. I did that thing where I checked my phone to make sure it was working and it was. I reasoned that perhaps he had a busy day, but he would call the next day.

Well the next day came and went and I didn’t hear from him. Nor did I receive an email. Finally, after 5 days I called. I didn’t want to sound desperate, so I left a message and asked him the name of the car dealership he mentioned when we were together. There! That sounded like I wanted to talk, but didn’t sound desperate or hurt that I hadn’t heard from him. But I didn't receive a return phone call. Then I got worried and I thought perhaps he got into an accident on the way home from our date and is in a coma. But I saw that his online dating profile had been active within the last 24 hours, so he was not only alive but had time to look for love.

I can't imagine what happened. How could I have missed the signals? Obviously our date was not as significant for him as it was for me. After decades of putting myself out there, you'd think I'd be better prepared… that disappointment wouldn't penetrate this thick skin I've had to develop. It hurt my feelings and wounded my pride to the point where I didn't want to share with anyone what had happened, let alone blog about it to the world. But here I am sharing it with you in hopes that those of you who were duped like me won't think you're all alone in this. Looking for love can be fun and adventurous, but sometimes it just stinks!

May your stockings be filled with hope – hope that pierces your heart and helps you to once again believe that love will come calling.

May the gifts under your tree be wrapped with hurt and disappoint of past relationships – wrapping that you do not recycle, but instead discard and allow to be carried far, far away.

May those gifts now free from the packaging of negativity be revealed to you as possible "him"s, waiting for your love.

And as you hand out gifts to your love ones, know that you are more than how attractive some man finds you. You are a gift to so many with your selflessness, kindness, generosity and love.

May the ornaments and lights on your tree be reminders of friends and family, authors and teachers, all who have decorated and illuminated your spirit with encouraging words throughout the year.

May the star on top of your tree shine brightly, and guide you as that star did long ago to the one we celebrate this day – our Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. The One who has and will continue to meet our needs.

I have been emailing back and forth with two guys who I like based upon the limited information that I know about them. Each email makes me like them a little more. It has me thinking about the many phases of online dating:

You receive the first email from a potential suitor, which prompts you to do the profile review. If that goes well, you continue and there is a 2nd and perhaps 3rd email. At this point, you expect to receive the email that takes it to the next level, i.e., would you like to meet, talk on the phone, or here's my chat name on yahoo, etc. Then there is the 1st phone call, and perhaps soon thereafter a 1st date, and even a 2nd. And then for me there is that ever elusive 3rd date.

That's a lot of phases. It's approximately 8 steps that takes you from a first email to a 3rd date.

Well, I have been looking back to see if there is a pattern with my online dating - taking note of those who make it to a first phone call and those who make it to a first date. Obviously it's not all up to me. A guy could drop me at any step, just as I could choose to end it with him. But what are some of the things that make you want to continue or to discontinue the many phases of online dating?

For me, one example is that I've noticed that I'm more likely to respond to men who smile in their profile photo. The bigger the smile, the more appealing they are to me (go figure).

I become less interested in guys who in their email exchange offers an average of one or two sentences, or those men whose emails fail to ask me anything about myself.

Once I get men on the phone, I'm discovering more about the guys on a different level. I love the conversations where I'm laughing or smiling or we're both sharing what we like about the world around us. On the opposite side, this seems kind of an obvious no-no, but it's amazing how many men talk about their problems during the first phone call or those men who want to have a long conversation about their previous dating (or love) experiences. Maybe I'm being too quick to judge, but isn't that what dating is about - judging (or deciding) if we want a relationship to continue? We add up the sum of our previous experiences with a person (a profile, and a couple of emails, and maybe a phone call or two) and decide if we want more of the same.

I now realize that every step is a glimpse of the next step. If I don't like where I'm currently at with a person, I need to explore whether there is anything that makes me think things would be any different in the future. If in your emails you only talk about yourself and never ask questions about me, why would I want more of the same? If you're really, really boring on the first date, or if you're rude to the waiter and short with me, what makes me think the next date would be any different? I'm not talking about going overboard and being really picky about everything that person says or does. One goofy comment about an ex, doesn't make me run for the hills, but if my overall experience during one of the steps isn't a good one, it just may be a good indicator of where the next step will take me.

Growing up, I never saw my mom with a shovel. Mind you that in addition to a husband, she had six kids (half of which were able-bodied boys). We lived on a farm, so the driveway was as long as some city blocks, and there was the path to the barn that needed much work. All of it was man's work -- thank God. But in these modern times where the gender lines are blurred, and independence reigns, as does life in suburbia, who holds the shovel?

Well, I got my answer this morning as I trekked outside to brave 12 inches of fresh snow, shovel in hand. In my subdivision there were 8 neighbors also putting unnatural strain on their backs. But I couldn't help but notice that I was the only woman.

It actually made me smile. In an era where wives often make as much money, if not more than their spouses, and certainly work as hard, it's nice to know that men still feel the burden to take on the heavy labor (at least they do in my quiet little town in New Jersey). This is yet another reason to look forward to marriage (that and the taking out the garbage thing). Although I don't really mind shoveling (it gets me out of a day of riding that stupid elliptical), I will gladly hand over the wintery tool to my future husband and let chivalry take its rightful place on snow-filled mornings!

Boy do I want to laugh with you today. You know--laugh about something silly that just you and I get.

Someone asked me the other day my suggestion on what she should buy her boyfriend for Christmas. I'm pretty good at gift giving. I'm not the "spend a lot of money" type. Nor am I the kind of person who wants expensive gifts. I just like knowing someone took the time to think about me, understanding who I am… and then finding something not based on what I want or even what I need – but something that pulls a smile or a tear from somewhere deep within me.

LOL – I know that sounds like a lot of pressure. Don't worry. I won't be mad if I unwrap a blender or a bottle of perfume from you. I just wanted you to know that I look forward to getting to know you. And I look forward to our first Christmas and the gift of finding each other.

It's 11:13 pm and I'm going through my online dating sites and am responding to 3 emails. In addition, I have 3 new emails to read (2 that don't include photos), and a couple of winks. I look at each one and have to make a decision if or how I should respond. I also wonder - will any of these guys still be a part of my life a month from now… or in a year? Too much thinking for this late hour, so I focus on the moment and consider how to proceed for this day -- as I have done for the last 350 days.

I have 15 days left. Yes, I'm at the point where I am counting down in days. You know something, in one day Theresa Kennedy's life changed when she went from being unemployed for 11 months to getting an amazing job. Phillip Brunelle's life was changed when he bought a million dollar lottery ticket. Anne Stoltz life changed when she received that call saying they had a kidney match. It's amazing what can happen in just one day.

I've asked this question before, but as I'm drawing to the end of my 52 weeks, I thought I'd ask the question to myself.

So I tabulated memberships and event costs and here's where I stand. I must give a disclaimer before I start. Some of the dating websites (i.e., Match & Christian Café offered me free membership for 6 months because of my own website), so I didn't come out of pocket for them. But I counted all 12 months anyway because my own website cost (which I'm not figuring in), so I think they balance out.

I also calculated payment based on a monthly subscription. There are huge discounts if you pay months in advance, but some people don't want to risk it should they not like the service, so I steered my calculations in that direction. Also, I didn't take part in some of the online dating the entire time. Here are the totals:

Match.com - $39.99 X 12 = $479.88
Christian Café - $34.95 X 12 = $419.40
Eharmony - $59.95 X 3 = $179.85
BlackPeopleMeet - $18.90 X 3 = $56.70
Plenty of Fish – Free
Speed Dating total - $145.00

Grand total: $1275.83

It seems like a large chunk of money. It's actually not too far off from what some of the lower end matchmakers want to pay, which is between $1200 - $1500. My method feels like it hurts the purse strings less because it's spread out over months, with the option of canceling at any time. But it requires much more effort. It would be nice to know what the matchmakers success rates are - or do a comparison between self-initiated dates verses and matchmakers. From all the friends that I personally know who tried matchmakers, I'd say fewer of them ended in a relationship, but perhaps having to do as much "leg work" makes it more valuable.

So would you spend $1300 in one year to find love? What's the most that you've spent in a 12 month period?

In the movie "The Invention of Lying" no one ever lied. Not only couldn't they lie, but they actually said aloud everything they were thinking. I loved hearing Jennifer Garner tell her date exactly what she thought of him and their prospects together. It wasn't said with malice, she was just speaking her mind. So I was thinking, if we all applied this to our dating profiles, I wonder how different they would sound. My Match.com profile would read something like this:

About Me
I've been at this for quite a while, so I'm jaded and cynical. I'm ready to get married now (actually yesterday). My last boyfriend turned out to be marriage phobic, so I have issues. Although I won't rush you, I will dump you if it looks like you're dragging your feet. I've never been married, I don't have kids, and haven't had a roommate in almost 2 decades, so I'm not used to sharing my stuff, nor am I accountable to anyone. Oh and by the way, I don't look as good in person as I do in my photos, so keep your expectations low.

Who I'm looking For
Someone who can write a decent profile, post a normal photo and send a first email that isn't a form letter or chock-full of bad one-liners. These 3 things are my first impression of you, and if any of these areas are below average, I won't bother responding. I'm not looking for perfection, just hoping you don't write, say, or do something that completely turns me off.

I'm so glad that in life and with profiles, we're much more gentle with our words (and actions). We realize that just because we may think it, we don't have to share it. Say, that sentiment may even apply to posting comments!

For this round, I presented 5 questions to Donna Keyes who is a minister at Glad Tiding Tabernacle in New York City. Donna and her husband Carl are co-pastors. I was a member there for a number of years when I lived in Manhattan, and was also co-leader of their singles' ministry. I was blessed by Donna's wisdom during that time, so it's no surprise that her answers below provide amazing insight.

1) What are the top 3 signs that you are ready to marry the person you are dating?
Trust, trust & trust.

-You trust the person enough to consider building a future together (buying a home, sharing a bank account, connecting your life's goals with this person, possibly raising children together)

-You trust the person enough to consider a life of mutual submission. Where you are no longer just living only out of your own needs, but where his needs are considered equally as your own. There is a verse in Romans 12:10 that says "...in honor giving preference to one another" It takes trust in the other's character to raise their needs above your own. This cannot be mandated, it must come naturally, out of a woman's soul that feels safe. It takes knowing that he is doing the same thing back for you. So, no one's needs get set aside.

-You trust him to the point where you can't imagine going on the journey of life, in all of its joy, uncertainty, successes and failures...without him. You want to share life with him.

2 There are so many people unemployed now. But should I begin a relationship with a guy who doesn't have a job?
The fact that a person is in a rough patch is not a hindrance to beginning a relationship. In fact, it is the perfect place of observation. What you see at a time like this, will give you a glimpse into the character of the man. It also gives you a strong sense of his personality, the real one. Does he stay focused and disciplined, is he flexible and open. Realistic yet hopeful. What do you see in him at this point? If it is denial, excuses, hopelessness, a sense of entitlement----not your guy! Look for patterns. Pressure squeezes so that what's inside comes out. You can now see what that is. Can you trust what you see?

3) I receive a lot of comments from Christians who think my "finding him" is against God's will because of Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife…" What are your thoughts on women being proactive concerning finding love?
One of the biggest obstacles to interpreting the Bible is imposing our linear western mindset on the way the Hebrew thinking writers wrote. Think verbs, not nouns. Think culture, not gender. Think principle, not formula. Think journey, not event. If you start there, you have a bit of a glimpse into understanding.

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord". This is the principle of receiving good things from God, which come from His grace, His favor. Good things from God represent His mercy. That's what the point of this verse is. Women did not look for men as husbands then, because their families did that for them, along with providing a dowry. Let's look around, we don't do that today. The message is not to live out of the culture that the Bible was written to, the message is the principle. Good gifts come from God. "He who is joined with a virtuous woman in marriage is blessed by the Lord" [Pr 19:14] is the same concept. You wouldn't interpret that as only men are blessed by God in a marriage.

Certainly Ruth and Naomi, not only went after Boaz as the husband for Ruth, they planned, were assertive and unashamed. Doing things in that cultural time that were quite bold and aggressive. When Ruth and Boaz were married, all of them were blessed by the Lord, Naomi, Ruth and Boaz. Ruth "found" a good husband and Boaz "found" a good wife. Their son, Obed was in the genealogy of Jesus.

4) Should women consider marrying someone they appreciate, admire and love, but aren't "in love" with?
There is no definitive answer to this. This question has got to be answered out of the peace that one feels in their own heart. I just read an excerpt from a book written about Rick Warren that talks about him and his wife Kay getting married because they felt God told them to. There was no love and passion in the beginning of their marriage. Time, patience and counseling worked that through for them.

But that is a challenge that one has to know comes from the hand of God. Spending the rest of your life with someone that feels like a trusted brother, opens up a lot of challenges with intimacy. As one who has counseled people in marriage crisis for the past 20 years, this is one of the hardest areas for women to walk through. Not "feeling connected" to their husbands. Feeling "heat", feeling the flutter of the heart when you receive the phone call or the e-mail, although not the most important thing, is a thing.

5) With most marriages ending in divorce, why should we bother pursuing life-long commitments?
In our DNA is the longing for intimacy. We were designed with the desire. The reason for that is that we are made in the image of God, we are called image bearers. God is 3. In Himself there is intimate connection between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. We have that same longing for connection, although not everyone wants to be married. Many will choose to pursue other goals and worthwhile endeavors and many will long for a partner to share their lives with. Despite the statistics, we choose hope. Augustine said "Hope is a waking dream." It is that dream of a lifelong intimacy that gives us hope that maybe, just maybe, we can have the dream. Keep hope alive.

Don't listen to me. I've gone on 3 Speed Dating events this year and never once had a match. So, what do I know, right? It's like asking an unemployed person with 3 unsuccessful job interviews tips on landing a new position. Well, one thing I got going for me is experience. And perhaps you can learn from my mistakes and observations. So here are my 5 top tips!

1. Prepare questions ahead of time. I know this sounds geeky, but do it anyway. I'm not suggesting you take your list with you and hold it up in front of the guy while you spout off each item. Simply practice them at home – not just in your head, but write it down, then commit them to memory. Believe me, after guy 5, you're gonna need some fresh material and you'll thank me.

2. Even if the current guy you're with is a jerk, be as pleasant as possible, because the next guy you meet, who could be Mr. Wonderful, is only a seat away and is probably already checking you out.

3. If you don't like a guy after a 5 minute speed dating session, you're not going to like him for an entire evening, so don't check him off on your little box for a second date. Better to have no matches then a bunch of 2nd dates with guys that you're not looking forward to seeing again.

4. Work the room during the breaks. When you first arrive there will be time to meet guys that might not be one of the 9 guys you're assigned, but you're still allowed to check off their name. You'll also get a break halfway through the event, so again, mingle, mingle, mingle.

5. If you are interested in a guy, make sure he knows it. Don't yell, "pick me, pick me." But do tell him (in your own way) that you really enjoyed getting to know him.

Here's an extra bonus. If you have a guy friend in your same age category, get him to be your speed dating buddy. /This means that any speed dating event that says they have no more room for women (and this happens all the time) will let you attend because you're coming with the coveted male attendee.

In addition to finding "him", I'm also looking to learn and grow emotionally - to have healthy thoughts and attitudes about being single as well as being in a relationship. So, throughout the year, I've gone to people who I think have insight in this area and presented a series called "5 Questions on Finding Love" which gave each person an opportunity to answer different questions. Below were those asked of Dr. Aaron Turpeau. He is a successful Atlanta-based psychologist, relationship expert and coach. He's also a best selling author and national speaker.

1) How can I tell if I'm being too picky verses simply selective?
I have found that most people are not picky enough. Unfortunately, people today have very few standards and they end up with people that are not right for them. However, some people can be too picky and want their partners to be perfect. This is the other extreme and it sets the relationship up to fail. The best approach is to come up with a list of characteristics, date several people and see who scores the beat on your list with the understanding that non one will score perfectly if you have a good amount of characteristics. If you only have 5 or 10 characteristics then someone may score perfectly, but you have a very poor list.

2) Can I or should I try to change the way I feel about a nice guy that will help me find him more appealing?
Unfortunately, many women today do not allow nice guys onto their dating radar. Amazingly, they want to date men who are not nice, for a sense of adventure or to have a “challenge”. Then when the relationship is problematic they look dumbfounded as to why she is having so much drama. Answer: she set her self up for drama. Again if you use the list approach such as I have in my book “The Harmonious Way: A success Guide to Selecting A Compatible Mate” you will make better decisions about men. You will probably consider more nice guys and have nicer relationships, because you will be more rational in your mate selection approach.

3) What are your thoughts on starting a relationship with someone who lives long distance?
Absolutely, a bad idea. It is possible that you can have a good relationship with someone that starts as a long distance relationship, however it is not probable. I see so many people that made the mistake of starting a long distance relationship. Remember, every one can put their best foot forward for a weekend.

4) What's one thing women commonly do to attract men, yet we don't realize it doesn't work?
Spouting off about how strong and independent you are.

5)Is there such a thing as love at first site or soul mates?
No. There is no such thing as love at first site. However, there is attraction at first site.

The soul mate concept is fine as long as you understand that there is not just one person out there that is predestined to be your soul mate. Realistically there are a lot of people out there that could be your soul mate. You just have to be smart in your mate selection decision making.

For more information on Dr. Turpeau, check out his website at http://www.drturpeau.com/ and let him know you read about him here on my site.

Dear God,

Remember three years ago when I came to you with this great idea to put myself out there in a big way to find my husband? I felt so inspired by this idea that I believe it actually came from you, as though it floated down from heaven into my innocent little head. I even did all those confirmation steps to make sure I was on the right track with you. So here I am only a few weeks away from the end and I just want to make sure you haven't forgotten about me. I know you're busy now with world peace and starving children, but surely finding my husband makes your top 10. Perhaps you've been waiting until now to act because you really want to end things with a bang. It's obvious you're into last minute, huge finales like parting the Red Sea, closing the mouths of lions and there is that whole raising the dead thing you got going for you. So dropping a husband in my path weeks before the end of the countdown is right up your alley. Right???

I imagine you've been working on my little project all along and having a blast. We've had a lot of fun over the last 11 months. Yeah, those 30-something first dates were a barrel of laughs. And those 5 second dates to no where were absolutely hilarious. Thanks! But all delightful things must come to an end (please tell me they're ending). And it's on to more serious things – like guys who actually like me AND I like them too. How awesome that would be.

And considering "awesome" is one of you're attributes, I have reason to be hopeful. So again, don't forget me. You're always telling us to remember, so I'm returning the favor like Moses did and reminding you of a few things. Remember how you have awesomely done so many great things for so many people over the last few millenniums? Remember that so many people are watching you now - to see whether a crazy, single woman who is looking for her husband is in store for another one of your awesome acts. Let the ending of these 52 weeks be one that brings hope, illuminates, and is exceedingly and abundantly above anything I could ask or think (which I admit is quite the challenge for you because you know how bold my requests and thoughts are). Thanks for being mindful of me.

With much gratitude,
Neenah