January 1, 2010 - I Leave You with This!
Taking a journey as emotional and life altering as looking for love, combined with making ones efforts so very public, and topping things off with a deadline, I knew I was looking for trouble.
But instead, I found courage, I found friendship, and I found acceptance. I shared what was on my heart hoping that it would resonate with a few. But as it turns out, there were many—thousands all across the globe.
You supported me throughout this year. I never would have made it 365 days without your encouragement and prayers. I humbly thank you. I recognize there were some who wanted me to fail, who had predicted I would be unsuccessful come year's end. But I suspect that even the naysayers secretly had hope. We all long for love - and happy endings are too rare in the real world.
I've done my best this year, as best as I knew how. But I'm sure I made many mistakes along the way. Thank you for not judging me. I also learned more than I bargained for, from how to treat others, and when to trust myself, to finding peace in the midst of hurt. I also learned to laugh a lot (especially at myself), and discovered ways to create adventures, so that I could hurdle burnout and the mundane. These life lessons, and others too numerous to mention, I pray have made me and will continue to make me a better person.
This year I worked hard, and didn't mind there was some struggle involved. As someone once said, you can't get the prize without a fight. So I imagine you can't get a ring if you're not prepared to do a little battle. But my battle, which I feel with all my heart is a very worthy one, is obviously not over.
I'm getting calls from family and friends, who are watching me very closely in these last days, wanting to know if I'm okay. What comes to mind is the quote Adlai Stevenson shared during his concession speech. It was from Abraham Lincoln who described his emotions after losing his first election, "he felt like a little boy who had stubbed his toe in the dark. He said that he was too old to cry, but it hurt too much to laugh."
I am obviously disappointed, but I'm too stubborn to quit. As I stated a year ago, I personally won't pursue love in 2010. It will be a nice break. But I won't take a break from the journey of love. I'll continue to look for ways to make finding love possible for more people. It's not simply something that's wanted, it's something we need. But unfortunately it's become too hard to find, too difficult to hold onto. It's not as it should be.
These 52 weeks will go down in my personal history books as one of the best years ever! I am so grateful for this experience. Online social networking will never replace in-person relationships, but it can and does create them, enhance them, and can even sustain them. Harnessing the power of the internet to find my husband was so much more than using the internet to find my husband. I connected in ways I never imagined possible.
Now that 2009 is behind us, as are my "52 Weeks 2 Find Him," I end as I started, full of hope and determination. God has blessed me so richly this year. There's no reason to despair as long as he continues to strengthen me with both. May God bless us all in 2010!
Permalink22 comments
Comment from: Jim [Visitor] 
Hi, Nina. I began reading in Jan 2009 out of curiosity and continued through the year rooting for you. In many ways, you've won; you haven't settled, a mistake made by countless men & women in the pursuit of love. You probably can teach Sociology (my major decades ago in college). You're pretty & talented; pay attention, because your future husband will find YOU. But please keep the web site so that I can check in to see how you're doing.
01/01/10 @ 11:49
Comment from: Goddess [Visitor]
Boy I'm going to miss you! I'm really thankful that you let the world share your journey. You are so right when you wrote about how difficult it is to find and keep love. Did you ever find out why some men you liked did not return the feeling? I think if there could be a way to find out the truth about how others perceive us, then perhaps there could be an understanding of why finding love is so hard. I'm sorry you did not meet "him" but I'm glad at least you did not get used or mistreated. Please be careful, there are good men out there but too often bad ones disguise their true intentions. If there is anyone deserving of a good relationship it's you. I wish you lots of luck in love..Blessings.
01/01/10 @ 15:48
Comment from: Fancy [Visitor]
Neenah,
There have been times when I would put on my best outfit and not get noticed and other times when I did not put so much effort in getting dressed and men would give me so many compliments.
You went about finding him in a Hugh way (website, outfits, hairdos etc) and I can imagine you must be thinking if this doesn't work then nothing will. How does 54 weeks or more to find him sound but in a more scaled back way. Sometimes our best plans are not Gods plans
There have been times when I would put on my best outfit and not get noticed and other times when I did not put so much effort in getting dressed and men would give me so many compliments.
You went about finding him in a Hugh way (website, outfits, hairdos etc) and I can imagine you must be thinking if this doesn't work then nothing will. How does 54 weeks or more to find him sound but in a more scaled back way. Sometimes our best plans are not Gods plans
01/01/10 @ 20:06
Comment from: E [Visitor]
Happy New Year, Neenah! I have heard that you often find love when you least expect it, so I'm sure that after all you've learned and all the work you've done, you're ready to just stumble across it in 2010. I've been rooting for you since early last year and I'll continue to hope that you meet him someday soon. As a woman of 38, your journey has also inspired me to give it a try. Thank you for showing that there are others out there who have not found love easily but who still believe and have hope. I'm sure you'll come back to post your wedding album someday! Don't give up! Good luck!!!
01/01/10 @ 20:51
Comment from: Lisa [Visitor]
You have been an inspiration to me this year. You words gave me the courage to try online dating. As a single woman over 40, I share and understand the struggle. Wherever he is and whoever he is, he will be so worth the wait when you finally find him. Thanks for having the courage to share your story and journey. Happy New Year!!!!!!
01/02/10 @ 00:07
Comment from: Linda L. [Visitor]
Nina, because of you, a college friend and I pray once a week for God to help us in finding the one; along with being found. We too, give ourselves "assignments" and keep each other accountable.
You are a blessing to so many of us out here. We are praying God's absolute best for you! Please keep us informed when he comes into your precious life.
Blessings overflowing,
Linda L. (your cheerleader)
You are a blessing to so many of us out here. We are praying God's absolute best for you! Please keep us informed when he comes into your precious life.
Blessings overflowing,
Linda L. (your cheerleader)
01/02/10 @ 18:46
Just a word of advice; when someone looks for something so hard that person will never find what they are looking for. Love will find you when you least expect it...!
01/03/10 @ 12:25
Just a word of advice; when someone looks for something so hard that person will never find what they are looking for. Love will find you when you least expect it...!
01/03/10 @ 12:26
Comment from: Tara [Visitor]
You will find what you are looking for - LOVE and the right husband for you. You have put out the request and it is coming to you. In the words of the Pet Shop Boys "Just when you least expect it, just what you least expect. Love comes quickly whatever you do" Thank you for sharing during this year!
01/04/10 @ 22:52
Comment from: ruthie [Visitor] · http://www.ruthieounaegbu.com/aaot
Very touching post. Love will find you. Like many are telling me and what I have seen happen repeatedly, it will come when you don't expect. Thanks for your courage and your openness. Don't mind those naysayers. Focus on the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Will be praying for you this year!
01/05/10 @ 12:59
Comment from: Drucilla [Visitor]
Lol, you will find it now that you have stopped looking. I tried for 15 years through date agencies, ads you name it. Either I was too old, too ugly, too fat, not smart enough. Or at least that is what I thought.
Finally, gave up. However, I joined a medieval roleplaying organization that met twice a month on weekends. Had alot of fun...was still lonely but it wasn't so bad. I made some great friends through it..one of which was my best friend, my husband. He is 14 years younger than me, however I act younger than I am and he acts older that he is. I was 42, he was 28. Strange thing is neither of us noticed the age difference, really. Neither of us wanted children so it wasn't an issue. I am now 59 years old (today!) and we are still very happily married.
So it can happen, have faith. But in the meantime join some social group of people with like interests (not a dating group - tried that, ugh!)where you can have fun and perhaps learn something and develop new friends.
Good luck!
Finally, gave up. However, I joined a medieval roleplaying organization that met twice a month on weekends. Had alot of fun...was still lonely but it wasn't so bad. I made some great friends through it..one of which was my best friend, my husband. He is 14 years younger than me, however I act younger than I am and he acts older that he is. I was 42, he was 28. Strange thing is neither of us noticed the age difference, really. Neither of us wanted children so it wasn't an issue. I am now 59 years old (today!) and we are still very happily married.
So it can happen, have faith. But in the meantime join some social group of people with like interests (not a dating group - tried that, ugh!)where you can have fun and perhaps learn something and develop new friends.
Good luck!
01/06/10 @ 07:34
Comment from: Michael [Visitor]
I disagree with the posters who suggest not trying or it was fate. I've not tried. I have three years of no dates to prove it. I've also tried dating sites and speed dating and all of the traditional methods. It is not easy. Seems impossible, doesn't it?
I'm 41, but it seems that as long as I try and keep a sense of humor about me, it doesn't seem so bad. Heck, Bogart was 44 when he met Bacall...
I'm 41, but it seems that as long as I try and keep a sense of humor about me, it doesn't seem so bad. Heck, Bogart was 44 when he met Bacall...
01/06/10 @ 09:37
Comment from: Jeff C. [Visitor]
Neenah: I hope you don't give up. Love is around, as long as your heart remains open. And it has a way of popping up out of the blue, when you least expect it.
Just remember...a lot of good men have been burned in the past, and those who seem shy at first may prove to be "keepers" once you get past the initial awkwardness.
Keep at it; I'm sure you and Mr. Right will find each other, eventually.
Just remember...a lot of good men have been burned in the past, and those who seem shy at first may prove to be "keepers" once you get past the initial awkwardness.
Keep at it; I'm sure you and Mr. Right will find each other, eventually.
01/06/10 @ 10:35
Comment from: Jessica [Visitor]
Wishing you a Happy 2010. Someone specials will surely find you when you least suspect it.
01/06/10 @ 11:51
Comment from: Charlotte [Visitor]
This is an interesting blog and I will bookmark it to read it again in the future! I hope that you find the right guy at some point in the future. :)
01/06/10 @ 12:50
Comment from: Christine [Visitor]
Nina,
Two of my favorite quotes from two wise women, "Every pot has a lid". And "When you find Love, it will happen fast!" I met my husband when I was 40 y/o, we were engaged in 3 months and married on our 9 month anniversary. We met in a time when we were both looking for a partner to enhance our lives, not to make our life! Timing is everything! Stay healthy,happy and at peace!
Two of my favorite quotes from two wise women, "Every pot has a lid". And "When you find Love, it will happen fast!" I met my husband when I was 40 y/o, we were engaged in 3 months and married on our 9 month anniversary. We met in a time when we were both looking for a partner to enhance our lives, not to make our life! Timing is everything! Stay healthy,happy and at peace!
01/06/10 @ 13:59
Comment from: Candis [Visitor]
It took a lot of courage to do what you've done. That alone is worth celebrating. As for love, taking a break in 2010 is probably the final piece of the puzzle to bring your soulmate to you. Best of luck.
01/06/10 @ 21:33
Comment from: Bree [Visitor]
Hi Neenah,
I was excited to see your blog because I was going to do a similar thing recording my dating experiences looking for a husband but got feed up and too distracted by about the 10 post! LOL~! You should be proud of yourself for sticking to your program faithfully for the full 12 months and in that aspect you were a SUCCESS!!! :) I am 38 yrs old single, never been married, no kids and I always wanted to be married with a family and NEVER imagined that I would be in this position and how hard it seems to be to find "Him". But like you, I still have hope and I am still believing that God will bless me (and you) with the desires of our hearts. Please add me to your emails, I would like to keep in touch with you for moral support and please let me know if/when you develop the network for woman our age looking for marriage. Thanks, again! And God Bless Us!
Bree
I was excited to see your blog because I was going to do a similar thing recording my dating experiences looking for a husband but got feed up and too distracted by about the 10 post! LOL~! You should be proud of yourself for sticking to your program faithfully for the full 12 months and in that aspect you were a SUCCESS!!! :) I am 38 yrs old single, never been married, no kids and I always wanted to be married with a family and NEVER imagined that I would be in this position and how hard it seems to be to find "Him". But like you, I still have hope and I am still believing that God will bless me (and you) with the desires of our hearts. Please add me to your emails, I would like to keep in touch with you for moral support and please let me know if/when you develop the network for woman our age looking for marriage. Thanks, again! And God Bless Us!
Bree
01/06/10 @ 21:46
Comment from: Onadare [Visitor]
I've watched you from beginning to end. I'm kind of in the same state as you-early 40's, but divorced with one child. For me, dating was/is always hard come-easy go just like pass boyfriends. Now I have given up and I don't mind. I went through the lonely stages, the embarrassed-to-be-alone stages, the "society" single-lady stigma, etc. and it all will probably continue on and off, but through it all I rather be with someone who wants me just as much as I want him. It can't/won't happen unless it is that way. May we both find him or he find us one day. Keep hope alive! Blessings.
01/06/10 @ 23:31
Comment from: Kisha [Visitor]
Nina I love you! You inspired me at the beginning of 2009 to find my soulmate by the end of 2010. It happened for me!! The weird part is that I was paying subscriptions to 3 dating websites but my soulmate found me at church. We started dating in November and we got engaged February 14th, 2010. Your journey help me stay motivated when I felt like giving up. I laughed with you and I guess got discouraged with you along the way. Thank you for sharing your story with the world. It's because of you that I was able to continue to hold my head up and realize that even without a man in my life I am still a Queen. Love you and keep us all posted throughout 2010. God bless you!
02/22/10 @ 13:54
This post has 1 feedback awaiting moderation...
Comment feed for this post