December 27 – The Aroma of Love

I went on a date several weeks ago. It was pretty awesome. I've had over 30 of them, and I rarely use that word to describe a date. He was sweet, funny and romantic. I remember thinking, I could fall in love with this guy. We talked about everything under the sun. Nothing too threatening for the first date, but he was so easy to talk to. After a long string of bad dates, I was hopeful again. Since we met at a restaurant, we said our goodbyes at my car. It was a Tuesday night and we talked about getting together again that weekend. I smiled all the way home and relived every moment we spent together.

When I got home, I didn't rush to the phone to call my girlfriends, nor did I post in on Facebook. I didn't want someone's insensitive comment to ruin the moment. Instead, I simply thanked God. I remember saying, I don’t know where this will lead, but I thank you for the time we had tonight. I was so grateful. My mind raced ahead to January 1st and how I'd be able to share with the world how God came through during the final month. Hallelujah! (yes, my imagination runs wild).

After some time in prayer, I sent my date a short, but sweet email thanking him for the evening and telling him I was looking forward to seeing him again. That morning I woke up with a smile on my face. Although work was anything but rosy, the memory of the date lingered. I knew he would call that night and I looked forward to the evening. But he didn’t call. I did that thing where I checked my phone to make sure it was working and it was. I reasoned that perhaps he had a busy day, but he would call the next day.

Well the next day came and went and I didn’t hear from him. Nor did I receive an email. Finally, after 5 days I called. I didn’t want to sound desperate, so I left a message and asked him the name of the car dealership he mentioned when we were together. There! That sounded like I wanted to talk, but didn’t sound desperate or hurt that I hadn’t heard from him. But I didn't receive a return phone call. Then I got worried and I thought perhaps he got into an accident on the way home from our date and is in a coma. But I saw that his online dating profile had been active within the last 24 hours, so he was not only alive but had time to look for love.

I can't imagine what happened. How could I have missed the signals? Obviously our date was not as significant for him as it was for me. After decades of putting myself out there, you'd think I'd be better prepared… that disappointment wouldn't penetrate this thick skin I've had to develop. It hurt my feelings and wounded my pride to the point where I didn't want to share with anyone what had happened, let alone blog about it to the world. But here I am sharing it with you in hopes that those of you who were duped like me won't think you're all alone in this. Looking for love can be fun and adventurous, but sometimes it just stinks!

8 comments

Comment from: LorMarie [Visitor] Email · http://LorMarie.com
I'm very sorry, Neenah. I so want to say, "you never know since the year isn't over" but I can't since we need to be realistic. BUT, you can still find the love of your life even if it didn't happen in a year. I look forward to hearing your good news. That is certainly possible.
12/27/09 @ 19:26
Comment from: DMD [Visitor]
I'm so sorry to hear about this disappointment, Neenah. It's more disappointing that people can't find the decency to say a simple "I don't think we're a match, but I had fun on our date." At the end of the day, he isn't a true MAN because he is a coward, and you wouldn't want someone like that anyway. I feel the sting of your pain...it's happened to all of us. Keep on pressing on!
12/27/09 @ 21:35
Comment from: Lorie [Visitor]
Don't feel bad. This sort of thing happened to me a couple of times. It's not your fault. One thing that I have learned over the years is that as women, we must let the man take the lead when it comes to initiating the first contacts. They are naturally "hunters". If we send cues to let them to let them know we are interested; that is usually enough. Men are not oblivious; if they are interested they will call. Let them take it from there. I know it's hard for career-minded, take-charge type women (myself included) but it really does work. At 40 years of age, that is the method that I used and I am currently engaged. I met my fiance doing something that I love, salsa dancing.
12/28/09 @ 11:15
Comment from: Allterrain [Visitor]
I think you have to look at things with what's called, "soft eyes". Maybe that would help.......next time.
01/06/10 @ 08:44
Comment from: Andrea de Michaelis [Visitor] Email · http://horizonsmagazine.com/blog
I loved this post because you said it all "here I am sharing it with you in hopes that those of you who were duped like me won't think you're all alone in this."

Guys like this are not in relationships because they are the types that have learned how to ace the first interview yet haven't learned to do the actual job. They have practiced their skills at getting the part, so they're real good at it. They are good actors, but these guys are in a movie of their own.

As their false facade falls, you'd soon realize it was not a movie you wanted to star in anyway. But dang, he aced the audition, didn't he? Gotta give him that. Imagine if men like that used their powers for good?
01/06/10 @ 08:57
Comment from: Pam [Visitor]
Either he is married, or it's because you called him. Men like to be the pursuers - to feel like they are in charge. Maybe he is not ready to commit and knows it, so he is playing until he is hooked by that lightning bolt! Since it seems he is confident enough to feel he can "play", and knows he is attractive, he is waiting for the one who doesn't fall all over him. It doesn't mean he is not thinking about you! He could be making up his mind! Men take a while to do that. Just go be beautiful and let him hunt you up.
01/06/10 @ 09:18
Comment from: charlie [Visitor]
this is not a what to do or not to do statement but, I just think romance or somekind of wonderful happens when you least expect it.... it seems your quest put you on the wrong path and you were too hungry to find your match....take a step back and enjoy "yourself"....things are bound to come your way.....just food for thought
01/06/10 @ 09:22
Comment from: Beverly [Visitor] Email
Hi Neenah,
I think it took a lot of courage to do what you did for the last 52 weeks and share your experiences and honest feelings with the world. Eventhough things didn't work out in the last 52 weeks +, God has a plan for your life, so dont sweat the small stuff. God Bless You.
01/06/10 @ 09:28

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